My Quest for the Perfect Cold Porcelain Recipe Part 1

I've been promising Christen to post a review about 2 different cold porcelain recipes I've tried. I FINALLY got the ingredients for the second one a week ago and FINALLY had time to try it out. Firstly, what is cold porcelain? "Cold porcelain is not real porcelain, it got its name because the finished product looks like porcelain. It is air dry clay that does not require firing or heating of any kind." It's basically: glue and cornstarch clay. It's a cheap alternative to polymer clay that you can make at home! (Or buy in the store but that defeats the point!) I've seen many beautiful and delicate sculptures made from it. (All images taken from deviantart and the sculptures belong to their respective artists: Veggies, Kirara, and Mew) All recipes for cold porcelain contain glue and cornstarch and have the same basic instructions: combine ingredients in a pot over medium heat and stir until the mixture pulls away from the sides. Cold porcelain dries semi translucent and you can add paint to tint it. Something to keep in mind: the color darkens as it dries and it shrinks (which can cause cracking it it's not kneaded enough). After a researched several sites, I settled on this one to try first because the ingredients were the simplest and easiest to find. I found the first cold porcelain recipe I tried from squidoo.com. Ingredients: 1 cup pva glue (white glue like Elmer's Glue All) 1 cup cornstarch 1 tablespoon mineral oil (baby oil) 1 tablespoon lemon juice, witch-hazel, or clove oil (I used lemon juice which is not pictured.) I did not like this recipe. The ingredients required a lot of stirring and took about 10 minutes to solidify. Afterward, the clay was really sticky so the cleanup of my pot and spoon required a lot of scrubbing. I had to add cornstarch to be able to use it and then when it became too dry I added more mineral oil to moisturize it again (like the instructions say) but the mineral oil didn't fully mix with the already-made clay. Pieces of clay didn't want to combine or stick to one another properly. Everything I made cracked no matter what I did and the clay itself was just difficult to work with. My second attempt went much better! The ingredients were a little harder to find because I didn't know where to get glycerin or what cold cream was! I used the recipe from craftstylish.com. Ingredients: 3/4 cup white glue 1/2 cup water (not pictured.) 1 teaspoon cold cream (such as Pond's) 1 teaspoon glycerin 1 cup cornstarch, plus additional for dusting your hands For those who are ignorant like me, cold cream is used to remove make-up so it is found with cosmetics. I found my glycerin in the pharmacy department of Wal-Mart near the bandages. It was on a bottom shelf. Glycerin is also used in baking (for icing, fondant, candy, etc.) so it should also be in the cake decorating section of your local craft store. This recipe was slightly different because it had me combine the wet ingredients first which didn't take much time. After I added the cornstarch, it took about a minute for the mixture to solidify and pull away from the walls of the pan. The clean up took far less time. At first, I put it on wax paper to cool but when I tried to knead it the paper tore. I don't know if this is because my wax paper is cheap or the "clay" was just too hot. I switched it out for parchment paper. The clay itself is far less sticky but more malleable than the other recipe. (It smells nice too because I didn't get the unscented cold cream.) I dyed it with acrylic paint and made a little monster. I'm sad to say this recipe is actually worse than the previous recipe. I can't get it to dry without cracking. TO BE CONTINUED...

Lighting is important!

ugly camera glare

proper lighting

after photoshop tweaking, so much better.

La Doll Review

I'm gonna do a quick clay review! just for funnsies.

La Doll Natural Stone Clay isn't really stone. It seems to be made of fibers of some sort but it handles like a clay that you fire. It air dries so even if you put an open package in a plastic bag (like I did) it will harden. You can soften it up by putting some water in the plastic bag with the clay (not a lot. 1-3 tablespoons depending upon the amount of clay) and the clay will soak up the water.

The clay itself is fun and easy to use. Not safe for making items to eat or drink out of or a vase to hold water (it's water soluble. der!) It does get all over your hands and will dry out your skin. I recommend putting lotion on your hands after cleaning up.

After it dries (which can take overnight to a couple days depending how large your sculpture is) it can be sanded and carved easily. You can also add to it without causing discoloration or weakening it.

The hand I made has a simple foil armature underneath. It doesn't support it at all but made it easier for me to form the fingers. It stands on it's own after I left it drying with a support. In certain areas, it did crack because the foil got in the way but I just covered it with another layer of clay:FIXED! XD

Here's some art!

I'm going to post something about Cold Porcelain soon! For right now, here's some art! First three available in my Etsy Shop. The last three were a private commission. Email me for more info about those!

How to be Internet Famous

I bet you are just like me with beautifully coiffed hair, incredibly talented at wasting time, and some sort of talent that impresses people but not enough for them to give you money. Well you and I will no longer suffer in pecuniary deficiency and the ignominy of being artists, for behold! I have have made a list of how to become internet famous!


THE ONLY STEP: FAN ART


"But, Christen," you say, "I love many different popular stories and programs and wish for them to be as beloved by others, but I wish to be famous and loved for my own ideas!" This is wrong.

The internet said this was a photo of you.

People do not want original artwork that challenges them or sets them apart from their peers.

This a very exciting image. Please buy this on a t-shirt.

You would think nerdlings and nerd culture would celebrate unique expressions of creativity but art on the internet must be derivative to be popular.

This single image will receive far more attention than any other work I produce. 

Therefor, all memes and only memes will be allowed.

I should have been an accountant.

Are you a bad person for liking fan art? Yes.

Well, no, fan art has it's time and place.

The history of  Western art focused on telling and retelling local, Greek, and Roman mythologies and folktales or Biblical scenes as much as any other subject matter, making fan art as old as culture itself.

This is way more exciting than Super Mario dressed as Darth Vader.

Cos-play was both more simple and more likely to end in murder. Two pluses! You also really had to have the body for it.

Can't have fan art with out FAN SERVICE! 

 Art and artists need to grow in every generation so we can have more master artist that don't have to mutilate themselves then die to become famous.

I always thought the bushes looked like some evil mountain a mad scientist lived on.

Original work should be just as loved and cherished so everyone can copy it until it too becomes old worn and overplayed.

I liked this better as a cake.

Seriously though, give a nobody a try.

And please, please do not reward crap like this.

At least there is no allusions to arrows in it.

(No, this was not an article about giving my art work a try, mine is largely terrible and should be viewed by no one.)

Wing Tutorial part 2. It also has a picture of a dog!

Greeting and salutations again, my friends! I knew none of you would be able to sleep or eat  until I released another installment of my wing tutorial/ experiment because I have some cool paper and a pair fo scissors. 

So without further delay, I present to you, a mostly finished wing!

Or my cat asleep in the dryer. Well, he is cuter than the wing anyways, so if you will just hold a moment, I will rummage through my computer files and locate the actual images.

A nice full body shot of the mostly completed wing. 

A series of close ups. They let you see the wing close up.

(Yes my house is a black hole which consumes all light, but at least this week I have a better camera)

I want to add in more sectional pieces to give it a more gradual fade to the smaller feathers. As you can probably surmise, I did not really follow the actual growth patterns in a real bird, opting for a more messy, fantasy look. If you prefer a specific layout of a large bird's wing, check out this image here for a look at an extended wing and here for a partially folded one.

So that is it for this little update, I hope you are enjoying the show. I haven't decided what these wings will be attached to when they are finished, but that will be part of the fun. Reading the blogs of crazy people with  knives and glue is fun, right? Well, I'll put some photos of cats on here to lure you back, I promise.

NEXT POST'S TOPIC:

How to be internet famous in few easy steps!

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Greetings, readers and theoretical artists! K. J. kindly invited me to post on her blog after I threatened to feed her more of my cooking ( at least that is what I think she said through all of the tears, I'm not completely sure). Anyways, a brief bio, in college, I did not know what to major in and briefly considered English but I thought, " No way! I don't want to be poor or something!"  Thusly I am became a professional artist which means I am dirty and poor to the point of being dirt poor, as stipluated in all Art College degrees. All my artistic aptitude leans towards the three dimensional so if what ever I am crafting is not three dimensional, I smash it with a hammer until it is!

So in keeping with my desire to overcomplicate a simple idea and work with sharp objects this is the first half of my paper wing tutorial. A few notes before we begin:

1.) I have never done this particular method before, so it will be a magical journery of love and friendship and probably failure for all of us.

2.) The orignal piece I am basing my work off of was a painting briefly seen in the show 30 Rock (The Head and the Hair for those curious). I saw this lovely piece and thought to myself, "You know what I need to focus on in my life this very moment?? A job?? NO, a giant seated winged huminod painting that I can only sort of make out!"

3.) If you have comments, questions, suggestions, or hecklings while I post, please feel free to write them and I will reward you with some of my cooking.

4.) I swear I will get better photos of it as I work, my camera cost $4.19 when I bought it so it takes a lot of work to get any decent images.

Alright, enough stalling, please be gentle.

Materials: I used water color, black tea, and wall liner paper, a dip pen, and a sumi paint brush.

Step Number One:

On your paper, rough out the basic outline of the feathers you want. I looked up a number of photographs of  a swan's wing to get an idea of the shape and texture. Another good source for inspiration is Renaissance era studies of wings, the have a great deal of softness and fluidity when they rendered wings in that period. I on the other hand like sharp, poky feathers.

Once you have the shape you like for extra definition, draw over your outline in the darkest shade you plan to use for your wings. I used a dip pen (those old fashion kind that use nibs) loaded with a dark red brown water color. If you use water color as I did instead of ink, be sure to test it first to make sure the paint doesn't run if water is reapplied to it later.


Step Number Two:

BE SURE TO ERASE YOUR PENCIL MARKS BEFORE YOU APPLY YOUR PAINT!
I used a black tea for my feathers ( I like the smell and the organic color) but water color will work equally well but both fluids are transparent so any unfortunate pencil marks will be there to stay if you don't erase them first. My paper was stored in a roll and it maintained its arch even when unrolled but with the application of many heavy objects and the application of the tea this curve relaxed some. I actually prefer a small curve to the paper as it allows pools to form that add a variety to the strength and shades to the color.

So paint, allow to dry, paint, allow to dry, paint, through plastic wrap on it, stuff it with salt, allow your cats to lay all over it, etc. until you are finally satisfied with it. I personally tried to go with a little natural shading and suggestions of texture but it is your piece, cover it in frogs or something. Just don't put salt on the frogs, that's mean. And it will call the wrath of the Frog god, Ranna, upon you.

A Close-Up: 

Ooooo so exciting, it's so close! Here you can see how the lack of absorbency of the paper effects the painting. I decided to use this paper for its transparency and flexibility rather than the fluid absorbency found in  more traditional watercolor paper.

Step Three:


Cut out your feathers! Do you really need a photo of this? Just grab something sharp and have at it but don't stab yourself because blood doesn't look as cool on paintings as you would think. I tried to keep my feathers in large clusters when cutting and arranging them, I've found when I've sculpted with paper, fewer layers reduce clutter, unwanted shifting, and unwanted stiffness.


The Road so far:

This is what I have so far, just the tip of one wing, but I'm liking it so far.

My Pets Aren’t Fat, They Have Big Bones

I don’t have kids yet so my animals are my babies. I feed them, water them, and scoop their poop. I make all their wishes come true, which includes a table scrap here or there when they look up at me with those pleading eyes. I have a cat named Zeek and a dog named Lucca, and they are not fat.

Lucca's metabolim after she turned two years old slowed but her loving owner (i.e. me) didn't notice.  I continued to give her every bit of food her heart desired because she looked so pitiful when I had a plate of food in my hands and so happy after I gave her a bite.

This is Lucca’s “fool proof” method for getting food from us silly humans:

Step 1: Locate food and stare at it intently.

Step 2: Wag tail and drool a bit. 

Step 3: Sit (because she thinks doing this “trick” will get her food) and commence the soulful stare of doom. 

Step 4: Whine to get the human’s attention because there is no possible way that they don’t know what she wants unless she vocalizes it.

At this point if she hasn’t gotten any food she’s got a puddle of drool at her feet and a mournful look on her face.  If she doesn’t receive food she lays down to pout, which makes you want to give her food to stop the pity avalanche.  If she does receive food then you have just made her day!

Step 5: Chomp food down, like a Great White Shark, without chewing.

Step 6: Repeat steps one through four because one piece is never enough!

My cat Zeek takes a different approach to acquiring food. 

However, his metabolism is only partially to blame because my in-laws tend to over-feed him. I love them but they’ve never had a cat before so they don’t know how to tell the cat “No!” They dote upon the cat the same way they dote upon the dogs; i.e. food equals love.

Whenever someone walks near Zeek's bowl, he meows. Sometimes he’s just bored, so he meows. He wants attention, he meows. After he’s gotten attention, he meows. He’s a talker. The only way to shut him up is to give him food (which I try to avoid), put him outside, or kick him out of the room and close the door in his face. I love cats but I’ll be the first to admit they can be annoying as Hell.

My in-laws tend to say, “Aww, poor kitty! You have no food so you must be hungry!” and then commence to top off his bowl multiple times a day.

SO now that they’re officially fat, I have to fight their cuteness factor and the in-laws giving them extra goodies. With those odds, sometimes it’s just easier to give them a treat.